The truth?

I am sad. It’s a constant reality.

By ‘sad’, I don’t mean depressed or hating the world around me for the evil that it has done me and my life. To me, ‘sad’ means feeling for the memories forgotten and the time wasted. I am sad for not treasuring past relationships, the conversations that could have been, the words left unsaid, the feelings suppressed and not expressed, and the raging voice in my head that didn’t get its chance to speak. I am sad for not showing those around me who I really am, even though there really isn’t that much to show. I am sad that I can’t do casual and everything that I do is instantly over-complicated in my mind; overthought, over-analyzed, and over-dramatized. I am sad that I focus on things in people and conversations that others don’t give a second thought to. I am sad that I can’t talk to people about their quirks and strange habits without being told to “stop being so deep”. I am sad that I have to maintain relationships that drain me and make me feel useless simply for the sake of having a ‘friend’ and not being alone. I am sad that I am not accepted for my likes and interests, even by those who are closest to me. I am sad that with the excitement that is to come there are also tears and emotional pain as an add on. I am sad that I have to pretend to be okay and put together when I am terrified and scared of the future and the new, uncomfortable-but-necessary-for-me-to-grow-as-an-individual experiences that are inevitable. I am sad that in my 21 years I still don’t fully know who I am. More than anything, I am sad that I don’t know what I want to do with my life, even though I pretend like I do.



But, I am also happy for feeling sad. These struggles are what will form me into the person that I am meant to be, and that’s okay.



Thanks for tuning in!




“We rise and we fall, we break and we make our mistakes.”



PC: me



Hello all~

It’s been a long long while. Helelllleleleloooooooooooo. (apologies)

I guess the best way to describe this post is just by restating the title: updates. A lot has happened over the last few weeks and most are very exciting so I thought I should share.


First and foremost, I should share my current state of mind.

*clears throat*




No but in all seriousness, I’m a bit stressed (BY A BIT I MEAN A LOT). There is a lot going on right now with school and work and graduate school and teaching abroad and… yes. So the inaudible screeching is a good sign of me coping with the stress correctly. trust me. I’M AN ADULT. *cries*


The first thing that I would like to share is the progress of my application with CIEE. Well, it’s definitely still happening. Things are progressing slowly but surely (feels more slowly than surely). I am slowly gathering all my documents and am preparing for my TEFL course to gain that darn certificate. It’s all really a matter of waiting and having the patience to wait. And let me tell you, young sir/lady, I ran out of that right after I baked in my mom for 9 months. I have to keep myself from impulsively buying a plane ticket to South Korea. I know.

But really, it’s so strange to think about what my work is getting me towards. I mean, it’s only been a few months since I’ve applied and everything has already happened so quickly that I sometimes forget that I even applied. I sometimes forget that my plan for this next year is to teach abroad. (like.. wut?) So weird. It still hasn’t really settled in my head as a reality instead of a dream. I know, I know. I wrote a whole post about how my dream became a reality, WHICH IT DID. But, what I mean by what I’m saying now is that it’s hard to believe it sometimes. I have to pinch myself because I get so caught up with life and routine that I completely forget about what awaits just a plane ride and few months away…


Another pretty crazy update that I thought would be worth sharing is that I’m thinking of vlogging my trip to Korea on YouTube. on the Tube. Tubing. I’ll be a Tuber……….. nice. I hope that if all that works out, maybe some of you will watch (?). please?

In any case, I’ll keep you updated on how that works out and whether or not it happens.


Well, and the last update that I wanted to share is that I’m in a relationship!!!!…





























…with food!


Картинки по запросу gotcha gif


Thanks for reading and talk later.




Good, Good Father

I’ve heard a thousand stories of what they think you’re like
But I’ve heard the tender whispers of love in the dead of night
And you tell me that you’re pleased
And that I’m never alone
You’re a good good father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am
I’ve seen many searching for answers far and wide
But I know we’re all searching
For answers only you provide
‘Cause you know just what we need
Before we say a word
You’re a good good father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am
Because you are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways to us
You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways to us
Oh, it’s love so undeniable
I, I can hardly speak
Peace so unexplainable
I, I can hardly think
As you call me deeper still
As you call me deeper still
As you call me deeper still
Into love, love, love
You’re a good good father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am
You’re a good good father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am
You’re a good good father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am
You’re a good good father
You are perfect in all of your ways
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you
You are perfect in all of your ways
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am
Authors: Anthony Brown / Joseph Patrick Martin Barrett
Chris Tomlin

Teaching Abroad: a Reality or a Dream?

The term ‘abroad’ has never been part of my vocabulary, especially ‘teaching abroad’. So, the possibility of leaving my parent’s home before the age of 25 not in the confines of marriage has always been a foreign idea. Now, in 2017, my life has flopped and the term ‘abroad’ is becoming an accurate description of my future.

A little background knowledge…

I was what you might call, a sheltered child, never even knowing that there were other opportunities for me besides marriage. *sigh* I know, how very 19th century of me. But what do you expect? I come from a Russian family of conservative baptists. I am the youngest of 7 children, and 5 out of 7 of my siblings married before the age of 20. So, I was obviously influenced in my decisions.

But, being the free spirit that I am, I made the decision to stray from the path expected of me by the society that I grew up in. Around the age of 17, when I accepted Christ in my heart, I began to realize that the fears my conservative baptist church planted into my heart were very (how should I say this without offending someone) *clears throat*… dumb. The church that I grew up in was for once, not correct in its teachings. That sudden realization was like a wooden chair slam across the face. In that moment, I believe that God spoke to my heart and told me to trust Him in my future, which is what I did. From there, I ended up doing things that 15-year-old Maria would have been livid about. I pierced my ears, vacationed alone with my sister, and chose a career path that was untraditional of a young, Christian, Russian woman. And only now, at 20, the term ‘abroad’ has been applied to my future.

I made the decision to apply to teach abroad in fall of 2016, when I watched a YouTube video of a young lady successfully teaching English abroad in South Korea. I was completely fascinated by this idea. I saw myself in her place. What lead me to act on my newly found wonder was the sense of peace in my heart. I did a lot of research and with everything that I learned, the peace in my heart stayed. After praying and discussing it with my parents, did I finally decide to apply.

To my amazement, I was accepted. My unrealized dream became a reality.

I guess the moral of this post is that God truly works in mysterious ways. At 17, I was at a point in my life where I didn’t see where God was leading me. My interests were not the same as my friends and family, so I became discouraged. My life was far from exciting. It wasn’t until after I came to God with a trusting heart did the puzzle pieces of my life start coming together. I saw God’s hand working in my life. I saw His will for me and I followed.


I hope this post serves as inspiration to someone out there. Regardless, this is a description of a turning point in my life. I am currently going through the hiring process with CIEE to teach abroad and am planning on taking my TEFL course this August. I will be updating everyone on the progress of my ‘teach abroad’ status.

‘Till next time,




“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
   in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.”

Proverbs 3:5-6

My Favorite YouTubers.

I consider myself to be a YouTube pro. Why? Because I’ve been watching them for a long long long long time (and because I have no life). Throughout my YouTube journey I have subscribed, unsubscribed, and resubscribed to countless video creators and I thought that I should share my top 5 (current) favorite YouTubers and why I recommend them to young souls like myself.

WARNING: this is list is kind of all over the place so don’t expect a very structured and organized one.

#5. Thread Banger/ Corinne Leigh

*sigh* I really have a love-hate relationship with ThreadBanger. It’s one of those channels that can go from being my favorite to my most loathed in about one second just because of how ridiculous their DIY projects are sometimes (I love you Corinne!). But, overall, I love this channel. I love the humor, the projects, the honesty. I recommend it to anyone who, like myself, enjoys arts and crafts but finds it to be a pain in the bootay. Check them out. (Corinne is my favorite!)

#4. Solfa

This channel has slowly crept its way into my favorites list over the past year or so. It’s basically a BuzzFeed-like, interview-esque channel in which Korean people are interviewed or made to try strange trends/stereotypes. I really love this channel.

#3. How to Cake It

Two Words: Yolanda Gampp. Her humor makes this show. I love all her cakes and her talent is simply out of this world. If you get come cake-speration or just want to spend hours on end hypnotized by cake-making skills, check her out.

#2. Olan Rogers

Olan, Olan, Olan. His stories are simply amazing. He is one of those people who manages to bring a smile to your face with his magnificent stories even on your worst day. I simply adore him. Check him out if you want a good laugh.

#1. Melody On The Move

Ah man, I love Mel. I relate to her on so many levels. I initially discovered her when doing my research to teach English abroad and immediately subscribed to her channel. I recommend her to the young ladies who are interested in going abroad. She is so honest and very motivational. I can’t wait to see how her channel will grow in the future.

“I am coming at you live from *crank that beat* you already know.”


Honorable mentions:

  • Fancy Nancy TV
  • Simon’s Cat
  • Barcroft
  • AnimeVibe
  • Safiya Nygaard



If you got through half of that, sincere thanks.




Bucket List Update!

It’s been a long while since I’ve sat down and blogged (is that a word?). Firstly, I apologize. I have been quite the busy human the past few weeks. So sorry. I’m back with a plan to be more active here during the summer. Whether that be a good thing or a bag thing, you decide.

I guess I should probably address my progress in my 2017 Bucket List. How many things was I able to fulfill? What am I planning on doing? What do I know is an impossible item to fulfill? Well, brace yourselves ladies and gentlemen, because I’m about to reveal what I’ve accomplished from my Bucket List since February 24, 2017.

  • rope swing:
    • Does a hammock tied to a tree with rope count? Probably not but, whatever.
  • go to a non-tropical beach:
    • Done and I confirmed this with a few pictures on my blog! HA! I visited the Oregon Coast two times. I consider that to be quite the accomplishment. *self high-five*
  • travel along the Oregon Coast:
    • This kind of ties back to the non-tropical beach visit as it was a beach on the Oregon Coast. I haven’t yet traveled along the entirety of the Coast so I would put this item as a work-in-progress (partially complete).
  • go to a concert (preferably a kpop artist):
    • I think that this item is something that I am most proud of. I attended Chris Tomlin concert a few weeks back and it was amazing. I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it and understood something about concerts that used to baffle me: people scream because of how surreal everything is. I have been listening to Chris Tomlin, Phil Whickam, and Big Daddy Weave for a very long time. Ever since I accepted Christ into my heart, their songs have given me my daily inspirations and sometimes answered my prayers. So, seeing them in person and hearing my favorite artists sing these songs live was definitely something that I will remember for the rest of my life.
    • I am actually going to be attending G-DRAGON’s 2017 World Tour Concert in Seattle, WA in July so, I can wholeheartedly cross this point off my list. (I AM SO EXCITED. KPOP DREAMS COMING TRUE!!)
  • learn the basics of a new language:
    • This point is also something that I am proud of. I have been attempting to learn Korean for the past few months. So far, I have failed and partially given up, but I do plan on continuing to expand on my self-taught Korean language skills (or lack thereof). A good point to bring up with this is that I’m learning Korean because I’m planning on teaching abroad in South Korea during my gap year. Whether that actually happens depends on the answer I receive from CIEE BUUUTTTT, I like to hope for the best.
  • master winged eyeliner:
    • Yes. I have done this. It took be 3 bottles of liquid eyeliner and dozens of makeup wipes to do so. *cries*
  • finish college:
    • I chose to include this because of how close my graduation date actually is. I will be graduating with my Bachelor’s degree in Spring 2018, so I partially cross this point out.
  • dye my hair a bizarre color:
    • ummm… I got ombre? From brown to partial blonde-turned-orange.
  • tell my parents I love them more often:
    • I work on this everyday and so far, it’s been going very well.
  • adopt a new fashion trend:
    • chopstick in my hair.
  • spend the entire day in the library reading:
    • This has become a DAILY RITUAL now that I am forced to take summer courses. This is unwilling but, I consider it as a completion of this item.
  • support my favorite artists by buying their albums:
    • DONE. First kpop album of my favorite artists, BTS. *cue fan-girl screaming*
  • complete something on my bucket list:
    • An obvious choice.

I shall include some pictures as proof.



I’m working on the rest of my Bucket List so, STAY TUNED!!